In response to a recent New York Times Op-Ed, yesterday, we talked about how being an “involved parent” isn’t about simply checking a box, but rather, it’s about being engaged and interacting with our children and finding specific, creative ways to spend quality time with them.
Today, as promised, we have one mom with quite the story! Read on to hear of her adventures of working to spend quality time with her kids and 1,000 tiny puzzle pieces…
This past Christmas, I was walking through a store, searching for presents for my kids, when I stumbled upon a puzzle that listed our family rules. I had just gotten out of the car with my two boys bickering and picking at each other, so I really felt drawn to all of us needing to do more of the positive things this puzzle mentioned.
I did not, however, stop to think about the fact that the puzzle was 1,000 pieces and on a white background. The only saving grace was that each positive affirmation was in a different color and a different font.
As you can see, we have not made it very far in putting this puzzle together. In fact, we have sorted the various pieces by color and font and managed to put together one line (see evidence below).
My vision was to put the puzzle together as a family, glue the puzzle onto a white canvas and hang it up somewhere in our house. And yes, I even bought the special puzzle glue and the canvas.
Yet, instead of a beautifully framed puzzle hanging on our wall listing out positive, affirming rules for our family, I have one line completed and about 964 puzzle pieces scattered all over my dining room table!
Now what??? I want to throw in the towel and give up. I have a really good reason why that is okay for me to do. The other day I found the “Family Rules” written in black & white on a wooden plaque created by an artist from the Eastern Shore of Virginia. It sits in my kitchen for us all to see, ponder and do everyday (well…hopefully do everyday).
Yet, for some reason, I cannot pick up the pieces of the puzzle from my dining room table and put them back in the box. Why? In part, I feel guilty.
This is an opportunity for us as a family to power through and exercise grit, patience, resilience, team work, struggle, frustration and spend some REAL QUALITY TIME TOGETHER while working through this overwhelming puzzle.
Truth be told, I don’t want to set an example of giving up, but every day I pass by that puzzle I want to give up. Then I realize that this puzzle is an opportunity for a real-life “teachable moment.” What I really need to do is show my children is that I am frustrated and ask them what they think we should do.
(Notice how I weaved in a little problem solving to make myself feel better as a parent?!?)
I’m not sure we will ever finish this puzzle, but here’s what I do know…parenting is hard and every time we open a book or newspaper someone is saying “do this,” or “do that,” or “don’t do that,” and the answer is never the same. When, really, the answer is always the same. It boils down to these few things:
1. ENJOY spending time with your children and make time to just be together.
2. ENGAGE in every part of their lives.
3. INTERACT with them and set aside time to do special activities together.
Family matters! It does not matter what you are doing together as long as YOU are investing time. Sometimes that might be attending a school event, going to a movie or just hanging out.
So what can you do? We listed these yesterday, but in case you missed them, here they are again:
1. Spend time talking while you are doing an activity like washing the car, taking a walk or riding your bikes.
2. Put a puzzle together or play a game as a family.
3. Make dinner together and sit down to eat it together.
4. Make ice cream or clown sundaes. Let them help make the list of
ingredients, go shopping and enjoy the treat together.
5. Play outside…might be hoops, tossing a baseball, swimming, street
hockey or drawing pictures with chalk.
6. Pull weeds and plant flowers.
7. Get down on the floor and give your child 15 minutes of your undivided attention–no phones, no computers, no distractions. Have fun playing together!
Never underestimate the value of quality time spent with your child and remember to enjoy each moment you have with them!